#digitalhousekeeping.

I wrote this a while back for GY&K’s blog. Thought I would share, as these tips are always useful!

Four Easy But Sometimes Overlooked Digital Marketing Basics.

It can be overwhelming to think of all the digital options in today’s marketing world. It’s completely understandable to feel like the #trends are happening quicker than you can keep up. After all, your digital marketing efforts can make a big impact on your company’s visibility. Before you take off for summer vacation, check out these simple digital maintenance items, which can be easily overlooked:

1. Website content

  • Is the contact, profile, company and product/service information correct?
  • Do you have any typos? When was the last time you really went through and analyzed your website copy? Does it all make sense?
  • Is the press/media information up to date?
  • Have you installed Google Analytics? Have you been tracking it?

Updating content not only helps keep your brand fresh, it also helps those little magicians in the back end of your computer happy. I’m talking about SEO. For a refresher on alt-tags, keywords and more SEO basics, visit seomoz.

2. Google Alerts

  • Have you set up a “Google Alert” for your company name and your direct competitors?

Google Alerts monitor the Web for new content. You know you’re going to check email from the beach, right? Google Alerts are email updates of the latest relevant Google results (web, news, etc.) based on your queries.

Here’s what it looks like in your inbox:

you’ve got mail.

Here is a link so you can set up your own #GoogleAlerts.

3. Facebook and Twitter

Facebook:

  • Have you optimized your page for the Timeline yet? Not sure how? That’s okay! Our PR and Social Media Manager Liz Pollock gave us the basics here. It is also a good idea to make sure all the content and company information is correct. Encourage your employees to become fans!

Twitter:

  • Is it time to update your bio or background image? You might also want to make sure you are engaging appropriately with new followers.

4. LinkedIn Company profile

  • Update company information (address, basic bio, etc) as this will encourage people to “follow” any changes with the goings on of your business – changes such as new employees, position changes, contact changes.
be careful who you stalk on Linkedin…there is a link to see who has viewed your profile.
  • Don’t forget to remind employees that they can impact your company’s digital presence in a positive way by posting about the company on LinkedIn and other social media outposts.

Now that you have your #DigitalHousekeeping in check, make sure you are analyzing the metrics of the progress of your work. Look at your likes, followers, Google placement and analytics to see if these simple steps boost your digital presence.

Do you have any other digital housekeeping tips that might be easily overlooked?

 

 

o.nior.

Have you ever had one of those situations you might not do again, but happy you did it in the first place? I wrote about stepping out of your comfort zone a while ago, and was put in one of those situations this past weekend.

Preface: When my boyfriend and I started “officially” dating, he learned that one of my passions (and guilty pleasures) is musical theater.  It’s true.  On my iPhone music selection you might some Taylor Swift, Eminem, Dido, Kenye West, Katy Perry, Colbie Caillat, Brittney (just being honest, you know you love her too, secretly)- and selections from Cats, Les Miserables and Wicked (to which you might find me on any given day belting out the lyrics). After learning this he suggested that we might go see Wicked, as it was one I had not seen, but always wanted to.  After doing some research, he learned that the cast would be in Montreal in August of this year.  So we planned it!

Present day: So, I wanted to book a reservation at a nice restaurant.  I had never been to Canada, so I didn’t know the surrounding area at all.  I went to my trusty friend, Yelp.  Yelp suggested a restaurant, Onior.  I saw it had a lot of stars and tons of positive comments, so I booked the reservation without actually reading any of the comments.  Dinner for 2 for at 6pm, with an 8pm show time- done and done.

martinis and an open mind recommended for this experience.

I then went back and actually read the comments.  This is what I saw:

 “The concept is simple. You’re trying to experience life as a visually impaired person, albeit only for a short few hours and in a controlled environment. The main dining room is completely dark – not dark as in “your bedroom when you turn off the lights to sleep” dark, but dark as in “your eyes never adjust, you can’t even see your fingers when you hold them up right in front of your eyes!” dark.”

I called Brad to see if he was still interested in this restaurant, given my new-found information.  He is a very open-minded person, so he thought “why not.”  I was hesitant, but concurred.  Why not?  He also found out that  95% of the staff is legally blind.  I kinda liked the concept: 70% of visually impaired are unemployed, so this gives those people training to enter the mainstream job market.  Cool.

The experience: When you walk in it’s like any other front room of a restaurant, but with heavy curtains everywhere to block out any possible light from the main room.  You order your food- 2 course or 3, and your beverage of choice, and wait for your waiter/waitress to come and get you to be seated.  We had Tim.  Tim was a very nice gentleman who seriously need to have a steak and a shower, but very sweet and gentle in demeanor.  Brad was instructed to put his hand on Tim’s shoulder and be lead into the main dining room, and I was to do the same to Brad’s shoulder (in reality I curled up behind him with my face nuzzled into his back- and walked like I was going into a haunted house).

This was what I saw (the entire time I was in the restaurant):

pitch, un-eye-adjusting, black.

We were seated at a table directly next to the wall.  I started to freak out.  The conversation went something like this:

Me: I want to leave. I don’t like it. (my heart started to race)

Brad: Baby, you’re fine.  You already had your mind made up that you weren’t going to like it.  Give it a chance. It’s just you and me, sitting in the dark.  I’m right here (he grabbed my hand and put his leg next to mine under the table).

Me: I don’t like it I want to go. (heart racing faster)

Brad: Baby, what do you think is going to happen to you? I’m here.  I’m not going anywhere and you are safe.

Me: Okay.  (heart still racing, but at this point my breath had calmed down and I was starting to accept my surroundings)

So, just as I decided to calm the thoughts of just aiming right- and running until I hit one of those curtains, our drinks arrived.  Nothing calms your nerves like a dirty martini.  You can quote me on that one.  Tim placed our drinks next to the wall and left to get our appetizers- that arrived about 2 minutes later.  Still black.  Still can’t see.  Still mildly freaking out, but it was getting better.  Funny how easily I found my drink, though. I attempted to reach for a fork and eat, but there wasn’t much food on my plate, and what was there wasn’t big enough to use a fork.  I decided to just “go for it” and use my hands.  Brad was sweet and wanted me to sample his dish, but reaching food/fork combo across the table proved not only to be really funny, but it was that exact moment I started to accept my situation.  “This isn’t so bad.” I thought to myself.  And it wasn’t.  Truth was, I was with my love, and he was putting me at ease with his natural confidence and calming nature.

Dinner arrived about 10 minutes later.   I ordered the “chicken” selection on the menu.  It came in a crepe, surrounded by cauliflower.  How did I know?  Oh, I’m totally a pro at this point.  Brad was too- as he ate his filet with no trouble at all and we were done.

5 minutes later, still done.  No Tim.

Then another 15…

Then another 10 minutes go by.

Our conversation:

Brad: Tim?

me: TIM!

Brad: Tim?  TIM!?

Me: TIM! TIM! TIM!  (nothing, no Tim in sight- literally)

remember?

It went on for about 5 minutes, and just like the butler in Mr. Deeds, Tim’s voice appeared out of nowhere.  He brought us a second martini and before we knew it, it was 7:35 and time to go.  He had forgotten to bring us dessert, but we didn’t mind as martini #2 served that role just fine.

As Tim lead us out of the dark room, my mind cleared and a smile came over my face.  I had done it.  I will 100% admit that I would not have done it, nor could I have done it without the support of my amazing boyfriend, but I did it nonetheless.  I overcame a fear of the unknown and sampled a little bit of an new open-minded perspective.

Conversation after dinner:

Brad: Are you happy you did it?

Me: Yes.

Brad: Would you do it again?

Me: Hell no.

I did as Edgar Allan Poe once said, “Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there, wondering, fearing, doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before,” and I’m proud of myself for it, but I think I am gonna side with Julius Caesar on this one: “I came, I saw, I conquered.” And that’s enough for me.

 

Evolution of a Branding Landscape

I originally wrote this article for my company GY&K. Enjoy and learn something!

How to be smart about your media placement.

If you’ve ever seen the episode of Mad Men when Joan is asked to step in as a media planner and read through scripts in order to relay where relevant content advertisers should be placing their broadcast spots, then you can understand how much time, energy and effort goes into media planning. If not, then I will just tell you bluntly: it takes a lot of time, energy and effort to be an efficient and successful media planner.

The landscape of media options has grown from the basics- print, radio, TV, and out-of-home, to include today’s digital universe, along with every other platform people will create in order to land a buck. It’s imperative that your agency’s media team not only have experience, but take the extra steps necessary to understand the placement. Do you really want your Wendy’s commercials airing during a PETA special? We didn’t think so.

Recently, I have noticed a trend in “mindless” placement that got my wheels spinning:

Sonic commercials flood primetime in NH programming. I have not seen a Sonic since I left college in Columbia, SC. In fact, when I walked around the office and asked colleagues, not one person could tell me where one was located. Notice on the map below that not one of those locations is actually in the state. Seems like an awkward media placement.

Next, there is a huge story out about a man whose sister was killed in a car accident, causing Progressive Insurance to refuse to settle her estate and defend the other driver (who was cited at fault by the judge), when it was the sister who carried the insurance policy with the insurer. It bashes Progressive to the core, and the article states that social media is defaming the mascot “Flo.” Horrible and tragic story, yet someone thought it was a good idea to place a Progressive Leaderboard on top of the page? Seems like someone should have put a little more thought into that one…

Note to reader: I was also going to cite the example about the “Animal Practice” commercial that was aired directly following Olympic gymnast Gabby Douglas’ historic gold medal win, but my colleagues felt it was a little risque. At least they caught their flaw and apologized publicly.

Last example: Comcast Spotlight is a revolution for the local mom and pop advertiser with a limited budget. It allows you to pick and choose areas of the state where your ad will be shown, limiting the reach to a concentrated area and lessening the investment. It is this extreme geo-targeted detailing that made me laugh when a “Click-it or ticket” ad was shown a few Sundays ago in my Exeter, NH living room. Note to reader: NH does not have a mandatory seat-belt law for adults.

I asked our VP of Integrated Media, Shana Malik, to shed some light on the topic at hand and what GY&K does differently. Shana is a 15 year veteran of Madison Avenue, who recently moved to the Granite State to join our team.

“A media department should rely on an evolving suite of tools for in-depth research, tracking and measurement that help guide the overall strategic approach and media plan development,” she said. “Some key factors include the audience alignment, reach, targeting capabilities, and cost efficiencies. While the examples you mention might be benefiting from a lower placement cost through bidding or bundling, they clearly are not aligning content properly to reach their intended audience.”

So what’s your plan? How are you ensuring that your media dollars are being spent with intelligence and insight?

 

senoritis.

Se`nor-itis-

1. A condition peculiar to high school seniors, hence the subword “senor” in senoritis. Symptons include a general apathy towards classes, homework, future i.e. college applications, restlessness and a “cannot do” attitude to surmountable school load.

Note: This condition may also apply to working adults on a friday afternoon, knowing the weekend is approaching.

It’s not that I get it every Friday, or even that often for that matter, but from time to time I get the feeling that any moment I too will be free of responsibility- and my mind is lost. The funny thing is, I absolutely LOVE my career, but I think it’s natural to have this “clock-watching” mentality from time to time. Check it: my days consist of professional networking, socializing, getting ready, bull-shitting, writing internal/external documents, writing emails, making calls, proof-reading, engaging in social media, volunteering, filling-in-the-blank of whatever else is on the agenda, client relations, gossiping (hey, lets be honest), family relations, running up and down stairs in usually 4″ heels, explaining, driving everywhere, cooking, cleaning, working out, planning upcoming events/holidays/trips/meetings, and researching. Life can get exhausting! In fact, I don’t know one person who has ever NOT had this feeling. We are human, after all.

How can you escape this nonproductive lethargy state-of-mind? Simple. I learned a while back if I can go home after work and (on the days where my evenings are not booked with events) do absolutely nothing: like sit in the bathtub with a book for 30-45 minutes, or snuggle with my sweetie on our super-chair, then I get a recharge for the next day. Give it a try, but find your own sweetie. 😉

bliss.

a moment of passion?

20120723-211734.jpg

Meet Buddy. Buddy is our 9 month old boxer. He wiggles his butt and cannot sleep past 5am. I lovingly call him “wigglebutt.”

I love him because he gives my 6 year old golden, Lucy (aka mister), a run for her money and has been the cause of her weight loss! He is snuggly and happy- and he poops in the middle of the street. It’s humbling watching my 6’5″ boyfriend pick it up (usually in a public area).

In this picture I was enjoying the sun and pool when he got me, smack-dab in the middle of my face. Enjoy.

today.

Hello there. It’s been a while since I posted, so I thought I would add some nice original content to spice up the organic SEO.

I’m feeling extra warm and fuzzy today, so I’m going to tell you why.

To start off my (this and every) day , I get woken up by wonderful man: (let me tell you, it’s not the worst thing to wake up to the man of your dreams)

brad.

He is usually leaving for work (after making me my daily salad) and I will continue to sleep for another hour. Today though, I decided to get up and run. It was nice, as the sun had not fully declared it’s HHH (hazy, hot and humid) status, and I needed some natural caffeine. As you may have read previously I cannot drink red bull anymore and I hate coffee. Besides, I love how peaceful Exeter is in the AM. I decided to take Lucy today as well. She was not pleased with the exercise, but at least she got to sniff around while I switched songs on my iPhone.

downtown exeter, nh and lucy at 7am

I have about a 30 minute drive to work, which is great. I can either sing to my random collection of CDs (yes, CDs…I’m that old school) or laugh at the Matty in the Morning radio show. I don’t know why I love that show so much, as most of the time “Matty” sounds like he is whining at whatever topic on hand, but I do laugh. Side note: I met Matty once at an event when I lived in Boston. He was the talk of the room, until Tom Brady walked in the door…sorry Matt. I actually remember his animated reaction of “WTF?” when eyes shifted to the door, away from him. I was going to put a picture side by side of each and ask if you could blame everyone, but I am guessing I don’t even need to do that to get my point across.

And then as I pull in to 121 River Front Drive, this is what greets me. It’s very friendly and bright, with beautiful landscaping and scented with the wild lilacs that grow out front. I mean- even the sky loves this building.

GY&K Creativity. Only smarter.
good morning, and in case I don’t see ya, good afternoon, good evening, and good night! -the truman show.

I have been in advertising since college. Anyone that knows me well knows it’s what I truly love it- and wouldn’t be happy doing anything else (well, besides a nice glamorous Broadway career). A TOTAL BONUS to GY&K, in particular, are my colleagues. They are all passionate and smart and fun. Fun. Now that is not a word most people would associate with work colleagues, but I am confident in this analysis. I am not going to go through all of them, but here are a few that make the day extra special.

Meagan. Meagan and I met on my first day, and we have been inseparable ever since. She get’s my personality (it’s so much better when I don’t have to explain every single thing I say), loves advertising and takes walks with me at lunchtime around the neighborhood. I’m a fan.

meagan. sarcastic. drives a jeep. has a dog. republican. catholic. nh native. think we have anything in common? love her.

After our lunchtime chat at the picnic table and post-lunch walk, we were greeted at the door with a chocolate cupcake from the world’s most wonderful interns. They have WAY better fashion sense than I ever have had- and I am confident I was not as mature as they are at 20. In fact, I was a moron at 20! Granted, I was doing internships myself at that age, but I still was rough around the edges (side note: yes, I realize I am still rough around the edges). I decided to make them do a silly pose for this blog, for the sole purpose to make myself feel like a mature 34 year old woman. Okay– I let them do a nice normal one too.

corinna and megan (aka “secret domestic goddess”). the future of advertising.

I am the Business Development Manager here at GY&K, and recently have been handling some account management for one of our clients. I love all of it. I would work in any department if they asked me to, seriously. It’s nice to know that my college education (Go Gamecocks! 48 days until football season!) and major didn’t go to waste completely. I am one of the few people I know who get to do what they sought out to do in the first place.

This week was my week to write the company’s blog post. If you’re curious, you can find it HERE. I had originally titled it #2012MarketingHoneyDoList, but the social media team deemed it would be too hard to explain what a “honey do list” was, if you were’t already privy to this obviously secret term. Thus, “#DigitalHousekeeping was born. Hope you like it.

This evening we have planned a picnic on the beach. Not a bad way to end a fabulous day, after all. I encourage you to try it.

can’t stop smiling.

I feel very lucky and blessed, each and every day. I wish the same for all of you!

 

 

 

road rage.

Ahhh. Silly little girl and your cheesy hot pink Myrtle Beach sticker. Although, I am not shocked that is your preferred vacation spot, I will refrain from citing the poor white trash (PWT) connection. Oops…guess I mentioned it after all. My bad.

friends of yours?

Here is my shout out to the amazing driver in the cream colored Altima (license plate # NH 292 2074) that felt it was necessary to cut me off, flip me off, then proceed to have a fun time speeding up next to me in order to cut me off again and then drive slow in front of me- then flip her cigarette at my car! Was that really necessary? Funny- she seemed to slow down and drive normal when she saw me pull my iPhone out to snap a picture of her car/licence plate.

here you go, sweetie.

Silly gal didn’t realize who she was messing with: I don’t have road rage, but I am online. All. Day. Long. My advice to all driver is if you encounter any legal issues, including road rage incidents, reaching out to a personal injury lawyer can help.

idea.

In the midst of what turned out to be one of the best weekends I have had since my move home- I got an idea. I will give a little bit of background before I tell you what it is:

I have found that I have been asked to be in an unusual amount of wedding parties. I am not comparing myself to Katherine Heigl in 27 Dresses, but I’m close. Now- whether I have been IN every wedding party I have been asked is a whole other story (and I am not even going to talk about the dress choices of some of those events), but let’s just say I am VERY familiar with the process. Many times, I am asked to take lead in some of the activities and planning beforehand. I am able to make the time and get things accomplished with little to no effort, so I find it’s actually kinda fun to do it. For instance: I planned an entire bachelorette party (dinner reservations, hotel, surprise for bride and details of the dates) the day I was moving from Chicago to NH, my last day at my former job- and while moving an entire apartment worth of crap (which I can thank my boyfriend for because he is selfless and wonderful). How did I do it? I just made the time. Didn’t take long, and I already kinda had the idea in my head. I knew what to do.

i am convinced bridesmaids dresses are designed to make us look ridiculous.

I have also been asked by my male friends on occasion to give some ideas for bachelor party locations, gift ideas for engagements- you know- the details the wedding planner isn’t involved in, as they are busy picking location, flowers and dealing with the bride (and her mother/mother-in-law-to-be).

It got me thinking: If there is a profession for the person planning the wedding details, why wouldn’t it make sense to give the bridal party a little backup too? A “consultant” for what do to in the supporting role. It could involve a pre-service interview from the bride, groom, and each member of the group in order to get a feel for personalities and comfort level of the events, reservations for the fun night (airfare, hotel, restaurants, entertainment), details of the shower, gift ideas, hair appointments for day of event, advice for when bride is acting insane- or when groom is getting cold feet, etc. You get the idea. I have a friend who considers it cruel and unusual punishment to be asked to be in weddings, yet he always does it- and always feels the same way after each event. Unfortunately- he has a lot of male friends and they ALL seem to be the marrying type. Don’t you think the process would be more enjoyable if all the effort was done for you? You don’t need to constantly think up all the details because someone is handing you the script. You can sit back, relax- and actually be excited for your friend’s happiness.

congrats.

Note: If this service does exist, I have never heard of it- so I am sorry. I did find THIS website for reference just now when I did a Google search. There appear to be a couple of sites, actually. Interesting, but a website doesn’t guide you with your frustration or do the planning for you.

Here is a picture of me and the bride for the wedding I am currently honored to have the MOH role. This picture was taken 17 years ago:

water country circa 1995

Her bachelorette party is August 11th on Cape Cod. I am pretty sure she will have a blast. As for the other details, she will just have to wait and see. 🙂

Just an idea I had over some wine this weekend.

fifty shades of intrigued.

I’m a romantic, a dreamer, idealist and apparently a pervert.

I get things in my head of how they should be- and I get utterly frustrated if they don’t turn out exactly as the script says in my head. I watch way too many movies- and whats worse: I have always been a sucker for a chick-flick or a chick-read. Something my best friend, Courtney, knows about me. From time to time she will suggest something for me to get my eyes on- and of course I blindly obey (as she has known me my whole life, I seldom argue when I know I will enjoy it). I always end up loving whatever it is. Darn you, Courtney.

some would say I'm mildly affectionate.

She use to work for Alloy Entertainment (years ago) and suggested I read this series “Gossip Girl.” I comply…and before I know it, it’s a series on the CW and I can’t have people call/FB/text/communicate with me on Mondays during the hour it is on. I have since been able to pry myself away from the show (there are just so many times you can listen to the annoying voice of Kristen Bell narrate the lives of over-privileged 17 year olds who have a better knowledge of scotch than some 60 year old men I know), but it took years and I have always blamed her for my obsession.

and they think Lindsay Lohan looks old for her age?

That should give you a little bit of back history- there are many other examples of books she has had me read in the past, but I felt only one story was necessary to get my point across: She knows my weaknesses too well. It’s not that I think she has a secret deal with Amazon to profit on the books she recommends- because most of the time she will actually send me the book after she has read it, but its scary to think someone knows you that well. That, or I am just easy.

It’s this depth of knowing me that put a mild fright into my subconscious when the most recent addition to my library was introduced. “You have to read Fifty Shades of Grey, you just have to. You’ll love it.” So I bought it…and it took me less than 2 days to finish a 512 page book. Truth is, I couldn’t put it down. I had not heard of it, but I guess it has been all over the news lately. “Mommy porn” is the most frequent terminology I have seen in my research, post read. Gee, thanks, Court.

you have no idea.

 

Holy hell is this book dirty. I felt like a pervert with every turn of the page. I felt even dirtier going into the Barnes and Noble and asking for the other two books in the series! It was worse than when I went to get the remaining Harry Potter books (another suggestion by my dear friend) and they sent me to the children’s department with a look of disappointment. I didn’t know they were kids books, guy! I did have a funny exchange while in the B&N this most recent time that I felt was worth sharing.

Setting: I see the one nerdy looking dude in the store who is away from everyone else. Surely I can ask him where the books are and he won’t judge me- and he will be quiet about it.

me: (as quiet as my voice can go) Hello…do you know where the Fifty Shades Trilogy books are kept?

B&N guy: (YELLING) Oh! We sold out out the Fifty Shades of Grey book and the other two are not out yet, but you can order them!

(thank you for your discretion…I am beat red)

“psssst….hey…” I see a goth B&N employee chick to the right signaling for me to go over to her. I’m intrigued.

me: “yes?”

B&N chick: Have you read the principals office yet?

me: UM NO! (at this point I feel like I am a first time attendee at a swinger function)

B&N chick: You should. It’s REAL good. Now, I can order those books for you…do you prefer a phone call or an email. (she then whispers) the phone call is quicker…

me: phone call please. (and I thank her and scurry out of there…the whole time the guy is smirking and she is giving me a “you’re dirty too HAHAHAHHAHA” glare)

Moral of experience: I shall now order things off Amazon and I really should not listen to Courtney anymore.

My friend Stacey just messaged me about it – and her quotes puts it so perfectly…(Sorry, Stacey, I had to…)

“Also feel a little strange going on vacation and holding (read: visible to people) this book on a beach… with my parents around, knowing that my mom started reding it on her Kindle because a friend of hers told her about it. I know like EVERY woman in the country is pretty much reading it… but still kinda weird to read in front of my family! But I don’t know how I can stay away from reading books 2 and 3 over vaca!!!”

But then she adds: “I’m super intrigued to see where this story goes.”

Apparently, there is a little pervert in all of us. 🙂 te he he…

this would only happen to me.

OK so this just happened:

Please note everything is accurate and if anything I am leaving out just how truly awkward this situation was for me.

I went to get a smoothie across the street. As I walked in some girl yells “you’re the first one!” I was like…? “I’m your first customer?” Everyone started laughing like there was some joke I was not privy to. SO, then I just openly asked people if the parking attendants cared which meter you paid at…to which I got a seriously strange reaction and looks from everyone in the room. I just chalked it up to being too friendly, and went on to my business of picking out a smoothie.

Keep in mind the whole time, everyone is staring at me so I got REALLY awkward myself and nervous.

I guess it was a signing of some Patriot, Kyle Arrington, (who was shorter than I am so how the heck was I supposed to know he lead the league in interceptions?? He looked like he worked there!) signing and doing pictures.

I am sorry we were not properly introduced, but I have no clue who you are. Thanks to Google, though, I am now informed.

His “agent” guy comes over and is like “would you like an autograph and a picture?? It’s free!” I said “Um no thanks.” The agent and football player guy looked like they were seriously offended. It was so awkward as I was the only one in the store and didn’t know what I wanted to order.

Side note: You should have seen the “agent” too. He was an overly-styled-hair guy who looked like he was going to the club…in a 200 sq ft smoothie place located in the basement of a brownstone. Also, none of them even bothered to answer my parking meter concerns. Callous bastards.

The owner suggested something I might like- I said OK..and paid (at this point I would have purchased anything so long as I could leave). Then they were standing around “you sure you don’t want an autograph for a family member?” I was like, “No, I’m OK.” Them: “Are you a Patriots fan??” (At this point I’m scared, seriously) “Sure, I guess I am.”

So I pay and go to walk out- as the mascot who had just put their outfit on (with a huge foam head) doesn’t see me standing there and slams me into the wall.

nice foam head, jackass.

I RAN. I really just wanted my smoothie.

THIS JUST HAPPENED.

scene of the crime.